faith in faithless times

Hi I'm back I'm gonna make short posts from now on elbaborating more on what I struggle with in my life in regards to my fears. I fear abandonement from God. I recently got very sick and was hospitalized for symptoms of multiple sculrosis and inflammation in my spindal cord. It was a large ordeal, one the doctors helped to treat with much success. I'm still dealing with negative thoughts but my perspective on life has changed and i'm grateful to be alive. it doesnt change the fact that my faith has been tried and tested and isnt as strong as it use to be. Maybe to get it stronger and refine it, God must test it to the point of no return. Sometimes I wonder why God would want our faith to be shaken so deliberately to the point that we start to despair. It confuses me when He loves us but allows our faith to stretch and seem to break. Back in the day, I learned that the Jews didn't need faith as much as we do today so to speak. They had undeniable, tangible, scientifically recorded and analyzed data of God's existence: They had proof. Everyday, when they woke up, there before them was a sign of the Lord's presence. Still things were tough for them, even with undeniable evidence of God and His power. Moses would enter the tabernacle and come out shining to the point that people couldnt look at Him and he had to veil his face. Thats something that you don't see everyday. but back then God did things like that before the eyes of men that would leave no room for doubt. I too sometimes wish God would reveal himself to me in a way that would leave no room for doubt, accompanied with pain. I heard a quote though that goes "Without somehow destroying me in the process, How could God reveal himself in a way that woud leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt , there would be no room for me." -Frederick Buechner