fear

hello.as i type this im wearing a pullover i just love that i got for five bucks.only problem is its like the one my teacher wears so i think ill turn into him[possession fear]im also listening to trance music,thanks pureo!!!!!!it is really relaxing.this one advertises itself as 'safe with medications'lol. im like i found the right one!its dreamy mood music.i got on the IM to thank pureo and just that second he clicked off[abandonment fear].but im going through all my fears.i always have been going through them all ,without rituals.its hard because im always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
i figured out most all of my fears are to preserve myself.i dont know if this is because of egotism or just a childlike fear.i do know that i cant become religious.like the Pharasies,but i can practice christian principles and know the Lord loves me and all of us!!God loves us unconditianally,and religion just brings doubt into it.in order to overcome our ocd fears,we have to realize they are superstitious power.and even if the superstition comes true it doesnt validate anything.for example,when pureo clicked off when i IM'ed him,he may have done it 1.by coincidence 2.he didnt feel like talking .it doesnt mean he is abandoning me,just because of the reality that it actually happened.
i know im not making sense,but im trying to illustrate that even if one of our ocd fears is triggered,and the trigger actually happens,it doesnt mean its validated and is final.the ocd wants us to believe a curse on us is final,cause it knows it will leave us paralyzed.
The ocd is just our wildest fears coming true.but in reality the fears themselves arent valid.they are just created in our minds,by a sort of ocd sixth sense,or the imp of the mind.which is we think of something totally negative and it comes true.we wonder why the negative thought was there in the first place.and i think us ocders just have a knack[or imp]of the mind, as dr.lee baer suggest, more than other people.enough,pz and God's love to work through your fear. jeff

imp

i got the book 'the imp of the mind'today by lee bauer.it was more of the same stuff.he said obsessions are either harming,sexual,or religious.it was more of the same stuff,leaving me still feeling misunderstood.the only thing i do is have stranger quirks than these.so i feel many of us have ocd but the books just dont tend to hit on our particular quirks,leaving us feeling that we have special cases that can never be solved.i bought the book mainly because it was dealing with just obssessive bad thoughts and wasn't about compulsions really.
as usual,when im in book stores im looking at all the titles compulsively and trying to avoid anything bad.of course this is impossible.i was looking at cd's and saw one with one containing a picture of a guy with an indian dot like mark on his head.my ocd said that repesents the imp of the mind ,so i was afraid to buy the book.i feel like i have a third eye now and am looking psychotic.lol.another one i had today was i wrote bride and groom on the bottom line of a notebook.i immediatly had the bad thought that my nieces upcoming marriage was doomed.
baer refers to the imp of the mind as 'the imp of the perverse'.Edgar allen poe wrote a short story with this title.in the story he says 'an innate and primitive principle of human action,a paradoxal something,which we may call 'perverseness' for lack of want of a more characteristic term..through its promptings we act,for the reason we should not.in theory no reason can be unreasonable:but in fact ,there is none more strong.With certain minds,under certain conditions ,it becomes irresistable. I am not more certain that i breathe,than that the assurance of the wrong word or error of any action is often the one unconquerable force which impels us,and alone impels us to its PROSECUTION....we peer into the abyss-we grow sick and dizzy.our first impulse is to shrink from the danger.unaccountably we remain.by slow degrees our sickness ,and dizziness,and horror,become merged in the cloud of UNAMABLE FEELING.By graduations,still more imperceptable,the cloud assumes shape,as did the vapor from the bottle out of which arose the genie in the Arabian nights.But out of this our cloud upon the precipices edge,there grows a shape,far more terrible than any genie,or any demon of a tale,AND YET IT IS BUT A THOUGHT,although a fearful one,and one which chills the very marrow of our bones with the fierceness of the delight of its horror...'
well,its a bit intellectual,its edgar allen poe for godsakes,but this is what Baer gives us as some intellectual description of an ocd thought that just digs in your mind.it tries to show the patient is driven to do precisely the opposite of what he wants to do.pz jeff

just let go

Well there is no secret that living a life of utter guilt and fear is not the path one should continue on. Just let the past behind, move on and don't look back. What happened was gonna happen anyway there is nothing you can do to change what already happened. Just move on and do what is right today, learn from your past mistakes you can still make things right. Just think positive when all is negative in your mind. Let the thoughts subside and become the person you want to be a person with peace of mind. Pz ~ PureO