back to school

hello all-im going back to school tommorrow.im mainly going for the money.the additional cach i get from going.it helps to live on more than just a social secrurity check.i was just loking at some of my papers from last semester and im in way over my head.im at the senior level of philosophy studies and its like a different language to me.i really took most of my studies in philosophy back in the late 80's.so all the terminology is way over my head at this level.i dont have an understanding of the philosophers.i wish i did.like mention aistotle and know his work like i would know a football team or something.it is going to cause great stress.i just hope the teachers teach and dont make us use the new computer classroom stuff.its like taking computers at the same time.ive done it [webct] its called.but i forget it and also powerpoint presentations and such.only god will see me through.i should be ok in the history class cause its usually standard but full of information.and with my severe ocd i am working a sick philosophy of my own that i wish not to.sure,its good to keep busy,but that interferes with relationships,[and causes isolation]cause i literally have to lock myself in the bathroom and read the deep stuff.i pray i can keep my relationship with my girl going while im going through it.pz j

It's all in our heads (the evil inclination)

The evil inclination is portrayed as "a great king" on account of its numerous forces, followers, and legions. That great king encompasses all of man's affairs, both public and private. It creates multitudes of evil images, evil thoughts, and shameful incidents in which the evil inclination tries to put man to death. One can be wise and still succumb to the evil king. But a little truth overcomes much falsehood, juas as a little light dispels much darkness. The evil bow low before the good (Mishlei 14:19) The first point on which the evil inclination will raise doubt in your mind about which it will try to convince you that the Creator is not all Merciful and All Knowing and Just. When it despairs of raising doubts in your mind about this matter it will try to entangle various forms of associating G-d. If you comprehend who and what the Creator is through the knowledge he has bestowed upon us with the Prophet's Scriptures and the Bible all these doubts will leave you. When the evil inclination gives up hope of overcoming us in this fashion it will use anything else to try to sway you. Any foe when you defeat him once or twice will leave you alone and give up the idea of attacking you. Aware of your superior strenth, he loses hope of ever defeating and overpowering you. The evil inclination however will not leave you alone after one or even a hundred defeats regardless of whether you defeat it or it defeats you. For if it defeats you, it will utterly destroy you, and you defeat it once it will lie and wait for you all your life in oder to subdue you. It does not consider the smallest of your affairs as too insignificant a means of overcoming you. Its chief intent is to make truth out of falsehood; its main purpose is to uphold untruth. And you have the power to overcome it with wisdom and truth every time it tries to bring you down.

punch my head please!!

Soz im sitting at my computer typing this at 4:42 am cause my sleep schedule is all jacked up. I can't stop thinking about what I might be doing wrong and what to do right in order to fix all that I've fuxed up. Soz I sleep to try calm my friggin mind. Church tonight, I want to go, but don't want to experience again the things that have kept me distant in first place. You know, the overwhelming feelings that arise from the scrupulous mind set. This world and it's issues....lol i mean my issues and me. I'm sick of always analyzing my motives for everything trying to figure it all out all the time. Constantly thinking, feeling like crap, knowing that I shouldn't but doing it anyways then feeling like crap about it the next day. Guess this is the struggle with my flesh daily, I don't want to give up. So today i bought a computer and put it together and feel like dirt because of the way that it creates an addictive lifestyle at times for me or a way to escape. Sometimes I think I use all this as an excuse to escape and not address the real problems. Maybe thats true, it just seems like the escape is possible and the solution that creates the reason is impossible. Im babbling on. Please someone, punch my head to halt my thoughts. Much love, pz ...vixnyqyl. LOL