im dying

man,im dying.im so tired of all the angles.pray to jesus.pray to any god.i hate the politics of religion.it drove me nuts that i had to pray to jesus or i wouldnt access the true god.im sayin fuck god for giving this disease to me.thats probably what i said when i was younger.its destroying my family life ,work ,school,relationships,ect
i cant get that thought out of my head about the can and the codependence.this girl is trying to understand me and im losthow can god be so willing for us to suffer torment.its a joke.my mind has closed to the different theraputic things.this shit just keeps coming back.i apologize to god,but im so angry.the holidays just intensify everything.no job or school.what the heck.ive given up for now until i calm down.j

soul swappin

hello all my sick friends!today i have a good bedtime story for you all.it involves symmetry and possession.ooohhhh.
i was at the v.a. clinic and was standing at the counter to tell them i was there for my appointment.another man showed up at the same time.are you scared yet lol.well the secretaries each have half the alphabet in their two folders.they had to swap folders when i said my last name was a v and this guys was an a or something.i hypervigilantly noticed this swap.then me and the man told them our social security numbers at the same time.this ws flippin me out cause they are identity numbers.i was sent to team b and he to team a.even the secretaries laughed at the mayhem.guess you had to be there.
now,my ocd said i turned into him cause of the coincideces goin on.[magical thinking possession].this was an 8 on the richter scale.i was sayin oooohhh like homer simpson.
now my ocd is tellin me a success/failure scenario from typin this .the guys name began with an 'a or something'a stands for excellence.he was sent to team a. me team b.he to the winners team me to the losers.then i typed homer simpson and knew i was a loser.i want to go back and undo the a example i used so i will negate being a loser.but ill continue to go on despite the ocd.i love being this dementted!!!and thank pureo for letting me have the journalisticfreedom to write this shit.hes a great administrator lolhave a good day all,thats the end of the bedtime story.j

more of the same

thanks for posting guys.i had a pretty good day and then the damn shit crept in.i ws typing a note and wrote budget when i heard it on the radio athe same time.then the ocd said my budjet would go strait to hell.lol like i have a budget,its so tight when your living on ssd.anyway,i was going to pay a bill,a little unexpected on for home insurance,to my insurance agency.the ocd said 'see its happening already'.then i noticed my rolodex was opened to the insurance agencys address by coincidence.the ocd compiles all this up as verification of the scary thought.when i can see logically its just little stuff.i still ask'why the hell was the rolodex opened to the insurance agency.theres like 60 addresses in there.when you start playing with the probability stuff it really blows the mind.well i dont know how long this page will last cause my ocd pattern is repetitive -but ill continue to post.and by the way the weekend with my old friend went well.thank god for clonazapam.j