Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
i think i can trace everything back to magical thinking.this is a great thing to remember,the tremendous blow superstition can have on a person.it will leave you paralized.i want no more of it.j
Friday, September 22, 2006
you were drawing coincidences,i was drawing parallels
for example,when i thought i turned into someone like the guy in my last post,it was all based around coincidence.even parallels, when i didnt want to be even with him as i was throwing my cup out.so coincidences and parallels play a part in thinking ocd.it also shows itself when people have to tap one side of and object as evenly as the other.symmetry.thats mathematical isnt it?
anyway, i missed school two days due to sleep deprivation caused by stress.then i thought i turned into another guy last night due to more of the same coincidental thinking.i made it to school today,so my ocd said see you were that guy for two days cause you missed school the same two days you thought you were him.it made me want to miss school today,just so i could prove the theory wrong.its not even backed up by any thought out reasoning,because i think the kid had a good attendance record.he was in another class of mine and had good attendance.
so ive been stuck on this mental problem the last 3 days.its like a math problem in my head,only with chance.j
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
today i was in the library and thought i saw this guy who is nerdy.i didnt think anything of it until i gabbed my coffee cup and saw him take a drink from his.then my ocd said i will be him from now on.i even had a problem throwing the cup away, because i didnt want it to match up evenly where he was sitting.i play endless magical thinking games like this with my ocd.the end result is loosing myself to someone else, or some kind of condemnation,whether it be to another person or just for eternity.so ill purposely not act nerdy for awhile.act real cool.lol.i think im beyond that now that im so sick.
anyway,thats how all my magical thinking got started when i was in 8 th grade.i was repulsed by a guy in band and my ocd said i would turn into him.something happened at 44 minutes after the hour and ive been avoiding the number ever since.
so next time you have an incident,check and see if repulsion has anything to do with it.j